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Lassie & the cougar


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Never Poke A Leopard

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Jokes, Honestly!

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

A cat died and went to heaven, St Peter said you have been a very good cat all your life what special things would you like here that you didn't have on earth? the cat said i'd like salmon occasionally and a nice big velvet cushion to lie on, so his wish was granted. Next day six white mice came to heaven St Peter asked them the same question, the mice all agreed that they would like a little skateboard each, this was granted they set of happily skateboarding round heaven.
Some days later St Peter saw the cat on the lovley cushion and said are you happy with life here? The cat replied yes I love my new cushion, and the meals on wheels are great !!

  • Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
  • Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  • What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
  • What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
  • What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!
  • What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
  • Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
  • What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
  • What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.
  • Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
  • Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
  • Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.
  • What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
  • Only in South Africa!

    There are no words to add to this story, without the photos, no-one from anywhere in the world will believe this is possible!
    This Toyota Tazz was stolen. It was then in an accident.
    3 cows were found inside (also stolen) --- tied up and squashed in! --- see the 1st (0512) and 2nd (0510) photos.
    When the cows were removed the vehicle appeared as in photo 3(0514) --- rear seat and front passenger seat had been removed to fit the cattle in!
    The last photo shows the 3 cows after their release --- remarkably unscathed.

    Only in South Africa !